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Hi my name is Milena im from Macedonia. I am 24 years old. I offer GFE and PSE. I also do erotic massages and im a (...) Aldwick PO21

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I am not one of those This is my calling!, or I can choose my customers and I would never ever work with the unpleasant ones! I do not want to belittle their experiences, part of it might be real for them, however after lots of years of hearing from them-- hearing how my negative experiences in prostitution are all my own fault and needs to not be spoken of, I have begun to question their truth as well, not just my own reality. I was also among those who told all the customers how charming it is to see them, how pleased I am to deal with them, how they are my favourite customers. I really attempted to make myself think it too.

The fact is, of course, I was extremely delighted to see their cash, and I was likewise extremely happy to see them leave me alone after our sessions. Cheerfully shouting at them as they left: Thanks! Which in fact indicated: Thanks for the cash so I can survive another day, I'm so delighted that it's over for today. I will never ever get out of this miserable task, so I should try to keep my regulars delighted to prevent the risks that come with meeting new clients.

And I was often told by clients that my Girlfriend Experience was remarkable, almost perfect. Simply an impression or was it real, Jo? This was asked often. I was frequently told that I was totally involved with my clients in our sessions. That my pleasure was not phony, that I really seemed to love sex. What sex? I have no memories of the sex part at all, they are all reduced under the well-practised performance. The efficiency that assisted me endure in this world because I was a kid.

The customers questioned if there were actually some real, hot feelings in between us. Many messages from them, thanking me for the experience. The customers of course wouldn't understand much better, due to the fact that I was constantly on drugs (which none of them even observed, I hid all of it so well), really addicted to pain relievers and benzodiazepines to handle the inhumane working conditions, and I had actually obstructed my mind from keeping in mind excessive, to protect my inner self, like the majority of us do in prostitution. I would simply sit on my bed afterwards, taking a look at the cash, focusing on it, counting my savings every day to keep myself encouraged, and counting how much more I would need to save to retire. To never ever return, to leave and to forget all that had happened in prostitution. Ever. To remove every single detail of my past.

I was one of those who never had numerous options. Sometimes I attempted to get disability, but the bureaucracy failed me over and over again-- my psychological health had been extremely shattered all my life, I could not even go to a supermarket alone anymore. I also had no one to assist me, no actual safety net. My self-confidence was really low, starting from youth abuse, continuing well into adulthood, a perpetual cycle. No education whatsoever. No work experience in any other industry than the sex industry, not even a day.

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All I might concentrate on every minute of my life was to get the inspiration to go on living at all, to breathe, and to go on serving my self-centred, requiring, wife-cheating, clinging, stalking, bargaining, rude customers. I saw no escape.

I had actually quit my cherished kid, merely not to destroy her life as I was gradually messing up mine-- I referred to as a truth I would have destroyed her life simply by being me, even if it was the last thing I wished to take place no matter how I would have attempted to safeguard her, I seemed like I destroyed whatever I touched.

There is so much disrespect in the world of prostitution that reasonably regular human behaviour from customers felt like a present from God. The kids were constantly informed we are not worth anything.

I have actually begun to treat my customers with as much disrespect as they have for me, to start with, involuntarily. If a customer in fact paid the complete rate, I was so appreciative for his additional generosity for the clingy! If a customer didn't verbally or physically attack me too severely, I saw him as a keeper!

I still see no escape prior to I have actually conserved up enough for the rest of my life, however I have actually thought of all this through and through. No more lies! I have actually attempted whatever to go out, however I keep falling back.

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