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Hi my name is Milena im from Macedonia. I am 24 years old. I offer GFE and PSE. I also do erotic massages and im a (...) Balnaguisich IV18

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I am a prostitute. I have actually been a woman of the street because I was underage. I'm in my mid-30s now. I am not one of those This is my calling! I can quit anytime I want to!, or I can choose my clients and I would never ever deal with the undesirable ones! Not at all. I do not wish to belittle their experiences, part of it may be true for them, but after many years of hearing from them-- hearing how my negative experiences in prostitution are all my own fault and needs to not be mentioned, I have actually begun to question their reality also, not simply my own reality. I was also one of those who told all the clients how lovely it is to see them, how happy I am to deal with them, how they are my preferred clients. I truly tried to make myself think it too.

The reality is, of course, I was really happy to see their money, and I was also really delighted to see them leave me alone after our sessions. Cheerfully shouting at them as they left: Thanks! Which in fact indicated: Thanks for the cash so I can endure another day, I'm so pleased that it's over for today. But I will never get out of this unpleasant task, so I should attempt to keep my regulars delighted to prevent the threats that include fulfilling new clients.

And I was frequently informed by customers that my Girlfriend Experience was awesome, almost ideal. I was often told that I was wholeheartedly involved with my customers in our sessions. What sex? I have no memories of the sex part at all, they are all suppressed under the well-practised efficiency. The efficiency that helped me endure in this world considering that I was a kid.

The clients questioned if there were actually some real, hot sensations between us. Numerous messages from them, thanking me for the experience. The clients of course would not understand better, due to the fact that I was always on drugs (which none of them even observed, I concealed all of it so well), really addicted to pain relievers and benzodiazepines to deal with the inhumane working conditions, and I had obstructed my mind from keeping in mind too much, to safeguard my inner self, like the majority of us carry out in prostitution. I would simply sit on my bed later on, looking at the money, focusing on it, counting my cost savings every day to keep myself encouraged, and counting how much more I would have to conserve to retire. To never return, to leave and to forget all that had actually happened in prostitution.

I was among those who never had numerous options. Sometimes I attempted to get special needs, but the bureaucracy failed me over and over once again-- my mental health had been incredibly shattered all my life, I could not even go to a supermarket alone anymore. I also had no one to assist me, no real safety net. My self-confidence was very low, beginning with youth abuse, continuing well into adulthood, a relentless cycle. No education whatsoever. No work experience in any other industry than the sex industry, not even a day.

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All I might concentrate on every minute of my life was to get the inspiration to go on living at all, to breathe, and to go on serving my self-centred, requiring, wife-cheating, clinging, stalking, bargaining, rude customers. I saw no escape.

I had actually quit my cherished kid, merely not to destroy her life as I was gradually messing up mine-- I referred to as a truth I would have destroyed her life simply by being me, even if it was the last thing I wished to take place no matter how I would have attempted to safeguard her, I seemed like I destroyed whatever I touched.

There is so much disrespect in the world of prostitution that reasonably regular human behaviour from customers felt like a present from God. The kids were constantly informed we are not worth anything.

I have actually begun to treat my customers with as much disrespect as they have for me, to start with, involuntarily. If a customer in fact paid the complete rate, I was so appreciative for his additional generosity for the clingy! If a customer didn't verbally or physically attack me too severely, I saw him as a keeper!

I still see no escape prior to I have actually conserved up enough for the rest of my life, however I have actually thought of all this through and through. No more lies! I have actually attempted whatever to go out, however I keep falling back.

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