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Hi my name is Milena im from Macedonia. I am 24 years old. I offer GFE and PSE. I also do erotic massages and im a (...) Bankfoot PH1

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I am not one of those This is my calling!, or I can choose my customers and I would never work with the undesirable ones! I do not want to belittle their experiences, part of it might be real for them, however after many years of hearing from them-- hearing how my unfavorable experiences in prostitution are all my own fault and must not be spoken of, I have started to question their truth as well, not just my own reality. I was likewise one of those who told all the clients how beautiful it is to see them, how happy I am to deal with them, how they are my favourite clients. I really attempted to make myself think it too.

The reality is, obviously, I was very delighted to see their cash, and I was also extremely pleased to see them leave me alone after our sessions. Cheerfully shouting at them as they left: Thanks! I had a great time! Invite back! Which in fact indicated: Thanks for the money so I can make it through another day, I'm so happy that it's over for today. I will never get out of this unpleasant task, so I need to try to keep my regulars delighted to prevent the threats that come with meeting brand-new customers.

And I was often told by customers that my Girlfriend Experience was remarkable, practically best. Simply an impression or was it real, Jo? This was asked sometimes. I was often informed that I was wholeheartedly included with my clients in our sessions. That my pleasure was not fake, that I truly appeared to love sex. What sex? I have no memories of the sex part at all, they are all reduced under the well-practised efficiency. The performance that helped me survive in this world because I was a kid.

The customers wondered if there were actually some genuine, hot feelings between us. Many messages from them, thanking me for the experience. And I never even remembered what had occurred. I seemed like a robot every day. Seems that I actually was a good starlet. The clients obviously would not understand much better, due to the fact that I was constantly on drugs (which none even observed, I concealed it all so well), extremely addicted to benzodiazepines and painkillers to deal with the inhumane working conditions, and I had blocked my mind from keeping in mind too much, to secure my inner self, like most of us perform in prostitution. I would just rest on my bed later on, looking at the money, focusing on it, counting my cost savings every day to keep myself encouraged, and counting just how much more I would have to conserve to retire. To never return, to leave and to forget all that had actually occurred in prostitution. Ever. To remove every single detail of my past.

I was one of those who never ever had many options. At times I tried to get impairment, but the bureaucracy failed me over and over again-- my mental health had been incredibly shattered all my life, I could not even go to a supermarket alone anymore. I also had no one to assist me, no actual security net. My self-confidence was really low, starting from youth abuse, continuing well into their adult years, a never-ending cycle. No education whatsoever. No work experience in any other industry than the sex industry, not even a day.

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All I might concentrate on every minute of my life was to get the inspiration to go on living at all, to breathe, and to go on serving my self-centred, requiring, wife-cheating, clinging, stalking, bargaining, rude customers. I saw no escape.

I had actually quit my cherished kid, merely not to destroy her life as I was gradually messing up mine-- I referred to as a truth I would have destroyed her life simply by being me, even if it was the last thing I wished to take place no matter how I would have attempted to safeguard her, I seemed like I destroyed whatever I touched.

There is so much disrespect in the world of prostitution that reasonably regular human behaviour from customers felt like a present from God. The kids were constantly informed we are not worth anything.

I have actually begun to treat my customers with as much disrespect as they have for me, to start with, involuntarily. If a customer in fact paid the complete rate, I was so appreciative for his additional generosity for the clingy! If a customer didn't verbally or physically attack me too severely, I saw him as a keeper!

I still see no escape prior to I have actually conserved up enough for the rest of my life, however I have actually thought of all this through and through. No more lies! I have actually attempted whatever to go out, however I keep falling back.

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