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Hi my name is Milena im from Macedonia. I am 24 years old. I offer GFE and PSE. I also do erotic massages and im a (...) Blaencaerau CF34

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I am not one of those This is my calling!, or I can pick my customers and I would never ever work with the unpleasant ones! I do not desire to belittle their experiences, part of it may be true for them, but after many years of hearing from them-- hearing how my negative experiences in prostitution are all my own fault and ought to not be spoken of, I have started to question their truth as well, not just my own truth. I was also one of those who told all the customers how lovely it is to see them, how pleased I am to deal with them, how they are my preferred customers. I really attempted to make myself believe it too.

The reality is, of course, I was very happy to see their money, and I was also extremely pleased to see them leave me alone after our sessions. Cheerfully shouting at them as they left: Thanks! I had a fun time! Welcome back! Which in fact indicated: Thanks for the cash so I can survive another day, I'm so pleased that it's over for today. But I will never leave this unpleasant job, so I should try to keep my regulars pleased to avoid the threats that include fulfilling new clients.

And I was frequently told by clients that my Girlfriend Experience was remarkable, nearly perfect. Simply an impression or was it real, Jo? This was asked often. I was often told that I was completely involved with my customers in our sessions. That my pleasure was not phony, that I really appeared to enjoy sex. What sex? I have no memories of the sex part at all, they are all reduced under the well-practised efficiency. The performance that assisted me survive in this world since I was a kid.

The clients wondered if there were actually some real, hot feelings in between us. Many messages from them, thanking me for the experience. The customers naturally would not know better, since I was always on drugs (which none even noticed, I concealed everything so well), extremely addicted to benzodiazepines and pain relievers to deal with the inhumane working conditions, and I had blocked my mind from keeping in mind too much, to secure my inner self, like most of us perform in prostitution. I would simply sit on my bed later on, looking at the cash, focusing on it, counting my savings every day to keep myself encouraged, and counting how much more I would have to conserve to retire. To never return, to leave and to forget all that had occurred in prostitution.

I was one of those who never ever had numerous choices. At times I attempted to get impairment, however the administration failed me over and over once again-- my psychological health had been incredibly shattered all my life, I couldn't even go to a supermarket alone anymore. However I also had no one to assist me, no real safety net. My self-esteem was extremely low, beginning with childhood abuse, continuing well into the adult years, a continuous cycle. No education whatsoever. No work experience in any other industry than the sex industry, not even a day.

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All I might concentrate on every minute of my life was to get the inspiration to go on living at all, to breathe, and to go on serving my self-centred, requiring, wife-cheating, clinging, stalking, bargaining, rude customers. I saw no escape.

I had actually quit my cherished kid, merely not to destroy her life as I was gradually messing up mine-- I referred to as a truth I would have destroyed her life simply by being me, even if it was the last thing I wished to take place no matter how I would have attempted to safeguard her, I seemed like I destroyed whatever I touched.

There is so much disrespect in the world of prostitution that reasonably regular human behaviour from customers felt like a present from God. The kids were constantly informed we are not worth anything.

I have actually begun to treat my customers with as much disrespect as they have for me, to start with, involuntarily. If a customer in fact paid the complete rate, I was so appreciative for his additional generosity for the clingy! If a customer didn't verbally or physically attack me too severely, I saw him as a keeper!

I still see no escape prior to I have actually conserved up enough for the rest of my life, however I have actually thought of all this through and through. No more lies! I have actually attempted whatever to go out, however I keep falling back.

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