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Hi my name is Milena im from Macedonia. I am 24 years old. I offer GFE and PSE. I also do erotic massages and im a (...) Borras LL12

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I am a prostitute. I have actually been a prostitute since I was minor. I'm in my mid-30s now. I am not one of those This is my calling! I can give up anytime I wish to!, or I can select my customers and I would never deal with the undesirable ones! Not at all. I do not want to belittle their experiences, part of it may be true for them, however after several years of hearing from them-- hearing how my unfavorable experiences in prostitution are all my own fault and needs to not be spoken of, I have actually started to question their truth also, not just my own fact. I was also one of those who talked the clients how charming it is to see them, how pleased I am to work with them, how they are my preferred clients. I really tried to make myself believe it too.

The reality is, naturally, I was really pleased to see their cash, and I was also extremely delighted to see them leave me alone after our sessions. Cheerfully shouting at them as they left: Thanks! I had a fun time! Invite back! Which in fact suggested: Thanks for the money so I can make it through another day, I'm so happy that it's over for today. However I will never get out of this miserable job, so I need to try to keep my regulars happy to prevent the threats that include meeting brand-new customers.

And I was often told by customers that my Girlfriend Experience was remarkable, nearly best. Just an illusion or was it real, Jo? This was asked often. I was often informed that I was completely involved with my clients in our sessions. That my pleasure was not fake, that I really seemed to enjoy sex. What sex? I have no memories of the sex part at all, they are all suppressed under the well-practised performance. The performance that helped me make it through in this world since I was a kid.

The clients questioned if there were in fact some real, hot feelings between us. Many messages from them, thanking me for the experience. The clients obviously wouldn't understand much better, because I was constantly on drugs (which none of them even discovered, I concealed it all so well), really addicted to benzodiazepines and pain relievers to manage the inhumane working conditions, and I had obstructed my mind from keeping in mind too much, to protect my inner self, like the majority of us perform in prostitution. I would simply sit on my bed later on, looking at the cash, focusing on it, counting my savings every day to keep myself encouraged, and counting how much more I would have to conserve to retire. To never ever return, to leave and to forget all that had actually occurred in prostitution.

I was one of those who never ever had lots of options. At times I attempted to get disability, however the bureaucracy failed me over and over again-- my mental health had been incredibly shattered all my life, I could not even go to a supermarket alone any longer. However I also had nobody to help me, no actual safety net. My self-confidence was extremely low, beginning with childhood abuse, continuing well into adulthood, a never-ending cycle. No education whatsoever. No work experience in any other industry than the sex market, not even a day.

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All I might concentrate on every minute of my life was to get the inspiration to go on living at all, to breathe, and to go on serving my self-centred, requiring, wife-cheating, clinging, stalking, bargaining, rude customers. I saw no escape.

I had actually quit my cherished kid, merely not to destroy her life as I was gradually messing up mine-- I referred to as a truth I would have destroyed her life simply by being me, even if it was the last thing I wished to take place no matter how I would have attempted to safeguard her, I seemed like I destroyed whatever I touched.

There is so much disrespect in the world of prostitution that reasonably regular human behaviour from customers felt like a present from God. The kids were constantly informed we are not worth anything.

I have actually begun to treat my customers with as much disrespect as they have for me, to start with, involuntarily. If a customer in fact paid the complete rate, I was so appreciative for his additional generosity for the clingy! If a customer didn't verbally or physically attack me too severely, I saw him as a keeper!

I still see no escape prior to I have actually conserved up enough for the rest of my life, however I have actually thought of all this through and through. No more lies! I have actually attempted whatever to go out, however I keep falling back.

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