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Hi my name is Milena im from Macedonia. I am 24 years old. I offer GFE and PSE. I also do erotic massages and im a (...) Bowriefauld DD8

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I am not one of those This is my calling!, or I can choose my customers and I would never work with the unpleasant ones! I do not want to belittle their experiences, part of it might be true for them, but after numerous years of hearing from them-- hearing how my negative experiences in prostitution are all my own fault and needs to not be spoken of, I have actually started to question their truth as well, not simply my own reality. I was also one of those who told all the clients how beautiful it is to see them, how pleased I am to work with them, how they are my preferred clients. I really attempted to make myself believe it too.

The fact is, of course, I was very pleased to see their money, and I was also really delighted to see them leave me alone after our sessions. Cheerfully screaming at them as they left: Thanks! Which in fact meant: Thanks for the cash so I can survive another day, I'm so happy that it's over for today. However I will never ever leave this unpleasant task, so I must try to keep my regulars delighted to prevent the risks that come with satisfying brand-new clients.

And I was frequently informed by customers that my Girlfriend Experience was awesome, almost ideal. Simply an illusion or was it real, Jo? This was asked sometimes. I was typically told that I was totally included with my clients in our sessions. That my pleasure was not phony, that I really appeared to like sex. What sex? I have no memories of the sex part at all, they are all reduced under the well-practised efficiency. The efficiency that helped me survive in this world because I was a kid.

The customers questioned if there were in fact some real, hot sensations in between us. Lots of messages from them, thanking me for the experience. The clients of course wouldn't know better, since I was constantly on drugs (which none of them even noticed, I hid everything so well), very addicted to benzodiazepines and painkillers to manage the inhumane working conditions, and I had blocked my mind from remembering too much, to secure my inner self, like the majority of us perform in prostitution. I would just sit on my bed later on, looking at the cash, focusing on it, counting my savings every day to keep myself encouraged, and counting how much more I would need to conserve to retire. To never return, to leave and to forget all that had actually happened in prostitution. Ever. To remove each and every single information of my past.

I was one of those who never ever had lots of choices. Sometimes I tried to get special needs, but the bureaucracy failed me over and over again-- my mental health had actually been extremely shattered all my life, I couldn't even go to a supermarket alone anymore. I also had no one to help me, no real security internet. My self-confidence was very low, starting from childhood abuse, continuing well into their adult years, a never-ending cycle. No education whatsoever. No work experience in any other market than the sex industry, not even a day.

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All I might concentrate on every minute of my life was to get the inspiration to go on living at all, to breathe, and to go on serving my self-centred, requiring, wife-cheating, clinging, stalking, bargaining, rude customers. I saw no escape.

I had actually quit my cherished kid, merely not to destroy her life as I was gradually messing up mine-- I referred to as a truth I would have destroyed her life simply by being me, even if it was the last thing I wished to take place no matter how I would have attempted to safeguard her, I seemed like I destroyed whatever I touched.

There is so much disrespect in the world of prostitution that reasonably regular human behaviour from customers felt like a present from God. The kids were constantly informed we are not worth anything.

I have actually begun to treat my customers with as much disrespect as they have for me, to start with, involuntarily. If a customer in fact paid the complete rate, I was so appreciative for his additional generosity for the clingy! If a customer didn't verbally or physically attack me too severely, I saw him as a keeper!

I still see no escape prior to I have actually conserved up enough for the rest of my life, however I have actually thought of all this through and through. No more lies! I have actually attempted whatever to go out, however I keep falling back.

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